well the title says it this post is to get to know me it is not meant to get pity or respect if you want to respect it that is fine but it is just meant to tell my life story(so far)
WARNING:if you are young (younger than 15) you should not read this so readers discretion is adviced(not because of foul language or other filth but due to the depressing and sad nature of this story)!!!

at the start of my life already i was left on my own a lot my parents went in and out of hospitals day and night
my uncle and aunt took care of me when my parents were not around.
my uncle raised me, taught me, protected me like i was his own son.
he showed me his pidgeon pen each day where there were lots of the most beautiful white pidgeons i have ever seen.

on 16th of june in 2003 my uncle passed away, cause heartattack during an epileptic seizure. he never felt it but i lost my whole world that day.
at his funeral everyone was there even my parents and people me and my parents had never seen before, i was standing as close to the grave as possible but i didn't cry, i never did, because then i would dissapoint my uncle.
after the funeral that evening my grandmother said to me: he is in a better place now he is safe and happy, then she pointed out the window at the stars and said look there he is looking down on you from the stars together with your grandfather(her husband who died before i was born)

at primaryschool i was a perfect student i had the best grades of the entire school but i was always bullied and was always rejected from any group, i was meant to be a social outcast

after primary school i hoped for a fresh start a new beginning but it all just went from bad to worse the bullying started to increase, i got rejected from everything even if i tried to make a friend i got rejected(again just like always i was alone)i was meant to be alone forever

the loneliness and the depression started to drive me insane i lost all sense of right and wrong i lost my humanity, but i never lost my heart. i was so depressed i literally could not feel physical pain, the had hit me with bats on my arms and i could not feel it. i was depressed and it was then when i met my friends ofcourse because of being a social outcast and having almost no social skills and listening to the metal music(after primary school) i joined a group of people they called the emos. they were the best friends i could wish for they cared they laughed and protected me.

but still i was heavily depressed and after walking with scars on my arms a girl asked me not how i got the scars but why and if she could help me, her name was eva she was so kind to me she has the heart of an angel,but even she could not get me out of my depression the cutting continued and i started smoking and drinking(not addicted) the bullying faded away after i joined the "emos" and i started to train my body everyone was scared of me even i became scared of myself sometimes. i began to grow murder and suicide fantasies and i just could not push the suicide fantasies away.
so one day i spoke to eva again,after a very long and big fight with her which led to more depression and suicidal thoughts, i said to her i just could not take it anymore and i wanted to end my life. i had send her poems about how i wanted to kill myself. i pushed eva into a depression and she started to get suicidal tendencies as well but after a while i could not take it anymore
i said to eva: eva i'm going to my uncle and then i'm going to speak to him again but she stopped from entering the graveyard and she said to me if i slit my wrist she would grab the same knife and did the same thing.
i loved her deeply so i just could not kill myself then, this is how she saved me.

now it is a year later since i was standing at the graveyard ready to slit my wrist and end my life. but because of eva i didn't and i thank her for that but i am still depressed and i always have the suicide ideas in my head and thinking i can see my uncle again.

this is roughly my story so far my name is teun i live in the netherlands if you have personal comments or questions feel free to pm me or reply

k i have saved your story once i get time to read them i ll and then reply u