I would appreciate if you guys could rate my story intro. My friends say I write in my own genre they like to call Apocalyptic Relapse, and they really like the stories I write. I want your opinion. Please be honest when giving feedback.

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"It all started back in the year 2012. That’s when everything changed. The world collapsed on itself, taking most of mankind with it. All that was left were those… Things. Former humans that were corrupted from the disease that took hold of the world… No one knows for sure how it started, but one thing is certain: those who survived the deadly wave of disease and panic won’t survive much longer. My name is Rapture, and this is what happened to my life after the apocalypse."

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It started back in the year 2012. That’s when everything changed. The world collapsed in on itself, taking most of mankind with it. All that was left were those… things. Empty shells of past humans that were corrupted from the disease that took hold of the world… No one knows for sure how it started, but one thing is certain: those who survived the deadly wave of disease and panic won’t survive much longer. My name is Rapture, and this is what happened to my life during the apocalypse.

I was in school, sitting in science class, listening to Mr. Watson rant on and on about how important Albert Einstein was to modern day knowledge of physics. It’s not like it mattered, though, because the world would be over in a matter of days. ¶The universe was giving us hints about what was soon to come, like a huge superstorm named Hurricane Sandy on the Northeastern Coast of the United States, and a mild tsunami in Honolulu, but to us, these disasters seemed petty. We should have paid attention to these signs before things started to get worse.

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Part 3 link: [you must login to view links]

It started back in the year 2012. That’s when everything changed. The world collapsed in on itself, taking most of mankind with it. All that was left were those… things. Empty shells of past humans that were corrupted from the disease that took hold of the world… No one knows for sure how it started, but one thing is certain: those who survived the deadly wave of disease and panic won’t survive much longer. My name is Rapture, and this is what happened to my life during the apocalypse.
It was Friday, and I was in school, sitting in science class, listening to Mr. Watson rant on and on about how important Albert Einstein was to modern day knowledge of physics. It’s not like it mattered, though, because the world would be over in a matter of days.
The universe was giving us hints about what was soon to come, like a huge superstorm named Hurricane Sandy on the Northeastern Coast of the United States, and a mild tsunami in Honolulu, but to us, these disasters seemed petty. We should have paid attention to these signs before things started to get worse.

After school, I walked home with my two friends, Ryan and Zant. We had known each other since we Pre-School, and have been best friends ever since. We discussed small matters, like what our plans for the weekend were, and other things that we wanted to know as friends but in reality cared very little about. We walked for about a mile when something unnerving started to happen. We heard people screaming in the distance. And this wasn’t the “carnival ride fun” type of scream. It was that blood curdling “people in pain” shriek. My friends and I looked at each other, registering the looks of fear we all had, and began to sprint to our houses as fast as we could.

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Link to Part 4:

I got home and slammed the door shut. I still couldn’t really believe what had happened. My friends and I had to separate eventually, and that made the way home even more terrifying, but getting to my house was better than standing paralyzed in fear, getting caught up in whatever happened to those people outside. “Mom?” I yelled. I walked into the kitchen to put my backpack on the table, and I saw a note my mom left for me.

Rapture, I’m at the grocery store. I will be back soon. If you get hungry, there are some pizza rolls in the freezer. You probably know how to heat them up. The instructions are on the box. Be safe, and don’t get into any trouble!

-Mom

“Oh great!” I thought. Now I have to wait for my mom to get back home. While I waited, I started my homework. When I finished that, I turned on the T.V. I looked at the clock. 6:57 p.m. Mom still wasn’t back yet! I was beginning to get a little worried. I went upstairs to my room and tried to call her. No answer. I tried again. Still no answer. Now I just sat there, staring at my phone, wondering what to do next.

I really like the story line
it sounds good so far

could use some rephrases though, just re-word the beginning and it would be 10/10

but the way it is, its 7/10

does the beginning sound cliche?

Not that cliche, of coarse the idea has been done

but there is barely any fresh ideas now adays
:) i would call it more, edgy then cliche

but it does sound like most intros to zombie movies

okay, thanks :) i changed a little bit, and I am adding more now. I will post it when Im finished with this part.

I would love to read it when its finished

if you need help at all you can pm me and i will help :D

Okay, will do :)

Added second part.

Would love to read?
link me to the second part

added the link up top and right here [you must login to view links]
thanks for all the feedback EmoNovember :)

That's fine
i really like you're story
and im kind of like a Religious reader :)

i like how you added
Hurricane Sandy

Thanks XD It just seemed right to add real disasters to make it better and more realistic.

maybe add something to do with music
like

After the boring class with the prof

i thought it would be a good idea to go get some lunch, walking slowly listening to my fav song ____________
turns out it wasnt the best idea

something like that

^ Okay, I will find a place to add that somewhere. Let me finish writing part 3 and I will make that revision during part 4.

Not exactly like that
it has to be re-worded cause it sucked ahaha